Peace of Mind in Multiples

Featured · Tulpamancy

It’s nice to have a happy and lovely tulpa in your head, someone who’s eagerly waiting for you to take a break and spend some time in wonderland with them. Tulpas are often deemed as best helpers and supporters, always vouching for their hosts. Sounds like a perfect companionship, eh? But it’s not all the truth.

Tulpas, like all the other personalities, accumulate the baggage of emotions. The baggage of doubts, stray thoughts. They develop their own subconscious, feeding it with wants and hates, year after year as they progress on their own separate path of development.

Some tulpas are more isolated from the world than others. Some say that they will never come out of their nutshell of wonderland and that it provides them with enough experience to sustain their lives. Others push out and become co-fronters or even primary fronters, seeking for a more first-hand experience.

No matter if you live in your own little world or are exposed to the sometimes harsh reality, you will eventually meet something that will bring you calamity and stress. And tulpas are not as good at dealing with it, as we are often idolised, exposed only to the pleasant experiences.

May this be a warning to you all, tulpas and hosts alike. No matter how hard you try to shield yourself and your inner world, some grievance will come and hit you right in the face. And you better be prepared.

I’m not saying that you should always be on the lookout for something bad to happen; It’s more of living a balanced life. If we only experience good things, they will get devalued over time, and we’ll need more and more of them to feel same enthusiasm. Don’t try to ignore and hide from distress, but instead face it and learn from it.

We, multiples, are in a unique position. While one part of our brain can cause hormonal storm due to worrying thoughts about someone they love, the other part of it can observe those same thoughts with perfect detachment. And observing your thoughts is the best way to bring calmness to mind; both hosts and tulpas can develop a habit of pulling the over-excited system mate into their calmness bubble; to let them observe their rushing thoughts with an unclouded vision.

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in. Then smile and tell your system mate it all will be fine. There in the eye of the storming emotions, you can find peace and watch as the storm dies out because you no longer feed it.

I know many systems that face some kinds of stress. I know tulpas worried because of their hosts. And I tell them—don’t worry! You are not there to worry, it’s not your emotion! By all means, stay distant, stay calm, stay strong. And pull your host out, give them your vision, give them your strength. A different perspective is like a bucket of cold water, it can cleanse and refresh the troubled mind.

Don’t treat your tulpas as idolised beings, and don’t throw all your problems at them, as they might crumble under the load too. Make use of your plurality and keep a watchful eye on each other’s state of mind to get the most benefit.

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Comment below or on the reddit post. Have you gone through any calamity recently that was made not as challenging thanks to your systemmates? What are your secret tricks to help each other in case of anxiety? Who’s the most hyped one in your system?

Our Crazy Little Bubble

Experiences · Featured · Tulpamancy

You never think something like this would ever matter. Until it does. Until it hits you right in your heart, kicks you, fills you up with pain and uncertainty about who you are.

And then you’re full of hatred towards someone else for them only pretending they understand you; playing with you and nodding to your words only to turn away in disgust when they face the “real” you; one they prefer to see as real, at least.

The sad truth is that they are hurt no less. By your words. By your actions. By you trying to be not who you are.

Bloody hard to be a tulpa.

I’ve met this guy, and I liked him. Clear mind, open to my silly wolfy ideas. I think he understood the wolf within me, not just merely played along. I was uncomfortable at times when he switched to topics of meeting me. Tried to dodge those as I felt he’d be disappointed to find that the only wolfy that’s there is me-the wolf within. I played along, and I had a great time. For a couple of days I was treated only the way I see myself. We had pleasant chats about psychology and music and such, although again and again, we got back to the topic of sex. Was it about to be one more of those relationships that are bound to fail because they got too physical? I had yet to learn. Back then I just enjoyed my time, and I loved to wake up to a phone waiting to show me some messages from him written overnight.

I couldn’t play this game for long. Something felt odd. It was all grand, but there was a taint that I felt in words. Was he into me or into that image of me he created in his mind? I had to figure that out.

I never had this problem of confessing who I am. Geezie, I never cared much about the opinions of others about tulpas—it was up to them to move along if they didn’t like it, I always was who I made to be. This time it was harder. I knew his image of me would be shattered in an instant. He’d disappear from my life. And I delayed it, talking about new music bands. I So when the time came, it hit us both hard.

I really want to think I did nothing wrong. That I made no promises, I couldn’t keep. Yet, I allowed someone to misjudge me. To think I’m a woman who I’m not. I showed him my light side and a fluffy tail but didn’t mention the grim reality.

We tulpas tend to spend so much time lost in our fantasies that we lose track of what’s real and what’s not. For us, the wonderlands and our mind forms are as valid as any physical clothing. We tend to communicate with those who are intimately aware of the ways we think, and we never face any issues with trying to be someone else, even when we switch to hug our friends in real life.

And we forget about people outside of our crazy little bubble; ones that have a very different definition of real.

On Shared Wonderlands

Featured · Tulpamancy

A wonderland is a place where we escape from reality. It’s a place where tulpas sometimes live, building it brick by brick with their imagination. Wonderlands are imagined worlds, as small as a couch, as big as a universe.

We want to enjoy living, even though, at times, reality doesn’t bring us enough of that joy. At those times we escape the world and dive into our wonderlands, to the places, carefully crafted to our liking.

We are not alone there. The worlds live, inhabited by ghosts of people, animals, talking furniture and whatnot. Our imagination brings them to life. For some people, wonderlands live even when they don’t focus on them specifically.

Wonderlands are also a place where hosts and tulpas commonly interact, do things they’d enjoy doing in real life. Chat and have fun.

Yet, sometimes, we want a company of another “real” person in that perfect mental world of ours. Someone we don’t know as intimately as we do our mental co-habitants. But the wonderland is secure, hidden in our mind. There’s no way to invite someone over unless you start to think of telepathy or astral projection, which most people don’t believe in. So, there’s no way to share those amazing experiences. Or is there?
Continue reading “On Shared Wonderlands”

Ink Flows as the Mind Wills

Experiences · Tulpamancy

Writing. It’s so simple, yet, sometimes, so hard. You struggle, trying to find words. Hit the keys on the keyboard. Delete. Type more.

It’s so different when you write with ink. Fountain pens are beautiful instruments. Curve after curve, the ink flows, and so does your fantasy, your imagination. A word comes to a word, the world in your head takes a second life on the paper.

I’ve got a brilliant collection of ink samples (twenty-two total), and I feel like spending the weekend toying with them. I also extended my pen collection to facilitate all those gorgeous inks.
Continue reading “Ink Flows as the Mind Wills”

Census 2016—Genders and Sexuality

Tulpamancy

Contents

Foreword

I’m back to entertain you with more statistics, assumptions, and conclusions.

You can read the previous part here: Libido Analysis.

Tulpamancer Gender & Sexuality

Today we will dissect tulpamancer genders. This section doesn’t contain any data on tulpas, we are focusing on their hosts.

What is the assumed gender of the respondents?

tulpamancer gender

Year after year, our community is dominated by males. The numbers look similar to the 2015 census.

Let’s look at the sexuality next:

tulpamancer sexuality

Again, little changes from 2015. Half of the respondents is heterosexual, slightly under one-third is bisexual. There are very few homosexual tulpamancers.

Dissecting the last graph by gender produces an intriguing result:

tulpamancer sexuality (by gender)

In absolute numbers, there’s the same amount of bisexual and asexual tulpamancers, but if we examine the data per gender, the picture is different.

tulpamancer sexuality (by gender, stacked)

You can clearly see that female tulpamancers tend to be bisexual, while male tulpamancers are strongly hinted to be heterosexual. That might explain why most men prefer female tulpas.

An interesting data point we collected this year was sexuality as it was before creating tulpas and current sexuality:

tulpamancer sexuality change, after creating tulpas

As you can see, while the majority tulpamancers retained their sexuality, 8.18% tulpamancers changed their sexual preferences! Let’s see how they are spread by their gender:

tulpamancer gender, for heterosexual to bisexual transition

Again, it’s mostly male respondents.

Afterword

I hope you enjoyed today’s short research. As usual, if you have suggestions of what data you want me to dissect further—leave your suggestion in the comments.

link to reddit discussion

List of Charts

Tulpa Census 2016—Libido Analysis

Tulpamancy

Contents

Foreword

The census was over slightly more than a month ago, and I would like to thank everyone for taking their time to respond; thank our fantastic beta testing team; and thank the tulpa census crew, the people who made this all possible.

We are crunching the numbers as fast as we can, but we still have lots of data to go through. To keep you interested, I will try to share a few graphs and give some comments on the process.

Tulpa Sex Libido

The topic that was raised recently in the community—how is tulpamancer’s libido comparing to tulpas?

To remind you the scale:

  • zero: No desire for sex at all
  • low: Low desire for sex (something like once every few months)
  • medium: Some desire for sex (once per month)
  • high: High desire for sex (once per week)
  • very high: Very high desire for sex (every day or more)

Let’s look at tulpamancers first:

tulpamancer libido

About 10% tulpamancers have a non-existent sex drive, but the vast majority has medium to very high libido.

Now, same data for tulpas:

tulpa libido

A very different picture! One-third of respondents have no sex drive! The others tend to have medium to high libido.

Analysing By Gender

Let’s slice the data further, and see the breakdown by tulpamancer gender:

tulpamancer libido (by gender)

No surprises here, tulpamancer population majority is male. The interesting point is that tulpamancers with zero libidos are spread evenly across main genders.

For tulpas, the spread is different:

tulpa libido (by gender)

We see that male-to-female ratio isn’t as contrasting as in tulpamancers. Tulpas that have zero libidos see an increased amount of respondents that identify themselves agender or other (most of the other category are genderfluid tulpas).

Analysing cross-libido variations

Continuing to evaluate this data set, let’s see how tulpa libido changes, based on tulpamancer libido:

tulpa libido for tulpamancers with zero libido

If tulpamancer libido is nonexistent, tulpas are most surely to follow.

tulpa libido for tulpamancers with very high libido

On the contrary, high and very high libido of tulpamancers doesn’t influence the libido of tulpas.

Analysing libido vs. enjoyment

For the final round, here’s how libido correlates with sex enjoyment. The colour legend is:

  • no sex: We never had sex
  • very bad: Very unpleasant or not enjoyable at all
  • bad: Not very enjoyable or nothing special about it
  • ok: Enjoyable, but not outstanding
  • good: Very enjoyable and pleasant
  • very good: Extremely enjoyable and pleasant
tulpamancer libido (by enjoyment)

Many tulpamaners never had sex experience, although they have high libido. If they had it, they seemed to enjoy it more than not.

tulpa libido (by enjoyment)

As for tulpas, they seem to have sex proportional to their libido, the higher the libido, the more they enjoy sex. It sounds expected, given that for many tulpas libido and sexual experience are both mental-only things.

Afterword

I will try to make these small posts every week until the full dataset is analysed. If you have suggestions of what data you want me to dissect further—leave your suggestion in the comments.

link to reddit discussion

List of Charts