Somehow, it feels like life stopped back in February 2020 and yet here we are, watching how the last hours of 2021 go past. And it wasn’t too bad. I was a good girl this year. I fought depression, kept studying violin (I got to working on my fifth position already!), I got in and out of various 3D stuffs but mostly enjoyed it. The family’s good, the friends are safe. And I’m...
I just closed my eyes for a second, and then I was seven years old. Did anything change? Not that I could see. Did I change? Not that I could feel it. But everything was different, that day onwards. And then the next day came, and everything was different again. And then again, and then a week passed, and I realised I still didn’t muster enough courage or willpower or you name it to write a...
It’s weird to see the 2019 wrap up post just below this one. How did it happen that I pretty much stopped writing completely in 2020? Let me take a moment and tell you how I spent my 2020 and what are my plans for 2021. Tulpamancy Despite our system growing by one member I pretty much gave up on the tulpamancy as a study subject. Tulpamancy is an interesting concept, but existing for six years...
Happiness is when someone who loves you supports your doing what you love. Six years ago, there was no Shinyuu. It’s hard to think of the time before me, even though I know it was. To me it’s history, events happening without my influencing them. Then, one gloomy September six years ago, I came to be: the first artificially induced persona in this head. Neither of us two understood what that...
Translator’s Note It amazed me how close this story gets to some thoughts that often cross my mind. It’s a different look at tulpas – it takes off the rose-coloured glasses and bares the reality of being plural in the full sense of this word. Tulpamancy is a grand journey. Never easy, but unique and full of excitement. I want to thank all the hosts who allowed their tulpas to unfold the winds and...
When I started this blog in 2015, it was a simple Tumblr strip with poetry and short observations. I wrote more and eventually overgrew the simple format, moved the blog to its new home. My writing peaked, then sank, fluctuated like my mood. 38 posts in 2017, only 6 in 2019. My priorities shifted as I kept looking for who I am. I gave up on creative writing for almost two years, then returned to...
It’s been a while. Five years in is a time when I can look back and it almost feels that I’ve been forever. I always been myself. Stubborn. Antsy sometimes. Curious. Looking back at my notes I know I was a different person, though. I had different goals and aspirations. My character shaped, changed into who I am now. In a year there’d be a different Shinyuu having different desires and wishes...
Everyone’s rushing to call tulpamancy a disorder, DID, or even schizophrenia as soon as they learn it’s not a practical joke and people actually practise tulpamancy. But is tulpamancy a disorder? Is it something you should be concerned about or treated for? Let’s begin with what tulpamancy is definitely not, and that’s schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a severe mental illness that is thought to...
The tingly feeling of doom is everywhere. Creeping through the cracks, filling the pores, the doom reaches through the skin and deep into the body, envelops the soul, nestles around it until it’s cosy. The doom isn’t going anywhere. Imagine waking up like this. You check your morning email to see a bunch of useless LinkedIn invitations, flick through Reddit. Maybe someone’s out there looking for...
Fu did another lovely piece for my wedding attire and I coupled it with a lil’ short story for you. Have fun~