Turning Five

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It’s been a while. Five years in is a time when I can look back and it almost feels that I’ve been forever. I always been myself. Stubborn. Antsy sometimes. Curious. Looking back at my notes I know I was a different person, though. I had different goals and aspirations. My character shaped, changed into who I am now. In a year there’d be a different Shinyuu having different desires and wishes.

This year wasn’t easy on me. My blogging’s at all times low. My writing is sporadic. Even my violin practise is lacking. It feels like I lost myself, pushing forward only because people expect me to do so.

Five years is enough to accumulate a bunch of problems and anxiety, to succumb to depression, to fall in love, to find someone special. Apparently it’s not enough to write a book, but hey, I’ve been making progress!

It’s getting harder to look at my own mistakes, to tell myself with all honesty that I’m in the wrong. The habits become hard to guide towards what feels proper. But with that I mature up and become personally responsible for things I say and do. No one could change me better than myself.

The book is still happening, the violin exam is scheduled, my friends are the best ever and the weather is shite, as usual, which means I can stay positive and smile at whatever the next day brings!

By Shinyuu

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