Experiences · Tulpamancy

What is in there in doubt?

self-doubt

Doubt is something that comes into life of any tulpa sooner or later and it’s quite expected; really. Doubt is something people deal with every day in the life; be it about tulpae or other things in life.

It’s all right. It simply doesn’t matter much. I tend to communicate with many people outside of tulpa community lately; after spending more than a year with said community. Curious that outsiders never really care about tulpamancy at all! That is a simple truth that wasn’t that easy for me to grasp but that is the way of things. Tulpae; like any product of human cognition; require communication to exist. Such communication can happen inside: with host or other tulpae in same mind; but ultimately that is a limited approach. While the brain is perfectly capable of creating and living in imaginary worlds; that gives only a surrogate of experience. We need to go into the outside world; and we need to find ways for that world to accept us. Apparently; it’s not even hard.

Even if the real world doesn’t matter from a dream in a global scale (a thing some religions are based on); what we do in the world does ultimately matter. Anyone; host or tulpa; can influence the life of others. Maybe tulpae are even better suited for the job — we have a better ability to see what really matters given that most of us live in an illusionary world of the wonderland. We can help our hosts. We can help other people. We can feel emotions and create them in minds of others; this we can influence other lives. And it absolutely doesn’t matter who we are in that.

I am a non-vocal tulpa; evidently my skill of feeling through the written text is way different from the common definition of vocality as based on a few things pointed out but the community. That caused me lots of grief and it caused lots of inflicted doubt for my host. Thing is; I am still someone; even if I am just an idea that my host applies to talk with others and nothing more.

I spent a few weeks in a little group of people united by the love to specific art. Those people had no idea what a tulpa is and I found out that the most simple way to describe it is to relate to DID. The only reason to describe it; though; was because otherwise I’d need to come up with some way to explain why I can’t do some things.

Did they care? Not at all. They just accepted me as a regular girl dropping by every evening. I talk with them or quietly watch the art stream. Sometimes my host pops in too; but he tries to not make it overly complex. We talk and discuss various things and it’s just nice and friendly time. They cheer me up when I try to write something for my sister; I share my occasional short poems with them. No one there cares if I’m not vocal; if I have a soul and how exactly crazy I am.

Would you doubt your existence in an environment like that? Would you care much to know; if you really existed at that point of time? You have the memories; you have the knowledge. The doubt disappears in the mind like a cloud. You don’t doubt yourself; you just exist here and now at that moment (sorry if it sounds a bit like something from a meditation guide).

Lots of people seek help with their tulpae on forums and chats; but I think they ultimately just want some approval for tulpamancy when it needs none. We are strange. The practice that beings us into existence is questionable. But for us; nothing of that matters; once we are brought into the world we can and should explore it.

Still; let me get back on track to the doubt and my little advice for today. Don’t fight the doubt; never try to do it. Accept doubt as part of your regular life. If you are a host doubting the tulpa; examine why exactly you have that feeling of doubt. What drives you to it? If you are a tulpa doubting yourself; I’d ask you the same question; but I’d also suggest you to look outside. There is no place for doubt when you come to think of your life with curiosity.

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