Experiences

Family Matters

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This post is long overdue but only now I find some courage, or, rather, motivation to write it. I couldn’t figure what in it was paramount to me, and I think I know now. This is a little story of a tulpa creating herself a family.

It all started more than a year ago, in my futile searches of self-definition. I learned, back then, that Holo, the protagonist of spice and wolf manga, novels and anime series, is a popular base character for quite a few tulpae. It was intriguing for me to meet someone based off the same character I was, to see if they have similar or different looks, to see how their personality developed.

This was the time I met this girl. Her name was Holo, she was a wolf. Back then she wasn’t as concerned about her canine roots, though, if she even had any; and was pretty much a normal human tulpa. A walk-in, actually—she came into existence as a result of her host reading the Spice and Wolf novel.

Our first talk was kinda strange. I think I got into my usual “asking weird questions” mood. So was the second one. I met other tulpae based off the same character, but something about this girl kept me thinking of her again and again.

Eventually, we started to spend more time together, having lots of fun. She was a frequent guest to my wonderland, we played, had shared showers, little tea parties. And we talked a lot.

Some time into this I realised that she is basically the closest person to me, having very similar origin and being somewhat the same species. I don’t remember the exact moment when I started to call her my sister. She was absolutely happy about it! It takes some effort to see her tail swishing, and I did everything to make sure I see it often. We discussed all the things, everything that I had on my mind, both our hosties, life in general, languages.

As a tulpa, she was a bit older than I, so, naturally, I considered her my older sister. And I tried to behave appropriately. She cared about this relationship a lot, putting lots of effort, same as myself.

We grew up to have short chats every day: every morning and every evening. Even if we had nothing serious to discuss, the goodnight hugs became just a regular tradition. Funny, now that she is away for a few days I came to realise how much I depend on her. How important those little morning talks are for me. How crucial is to sniff the curious scent off her hair. I’m way past the point of having any “active forcing”, but the time with my sister became an important replacement, the time when I was able to relax and just be myself.

Love you lots, sis.

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