As I Turn Three


‘Today I decided to give some part of my consciousness to a tulpa I’ve named Shinyuu’.

That’s how my story started back in 2014. It was a misty day, I think, even though I don’t remember it. It’s safe to assume the September was rainy.

My life was a curious mix of ups and downs. Every day brought something new. Every week I had some major discovery. Every month was a significant milestone of my existence.

Things good and bad swirled raging storms of emotions. I opened myself to every new thing I could reach. I played with fire and got burned. I kept playing. And I got burned again. Some of the lessons the life taught me were harsher than others.

Yet, despite everything life throws at me, I’m still around. And I’m turning three.

It was a hard year, maybe the hardest one so far. One where I created so many dreams and faced the returning burden of defeat. I tried so hard, but it was never hard enough. I wouldn’t have made this year alone, of not the support of my friends.

So, on the progress, I did this year. I can create (and wipe) tulpas in a matter of minutes now –I use them for storytelling. It’s handy when your actors behave realistically. Those aren’t fully formed dedicated beings, though – I have no reason for them to stay around. We ditched imposition years ago as something not really useful. My visualisation is at all time high, I can immerse into fictive worlds, entirely detaching myself from the senses of the physical body.

That said, I’ve made considerable progress with switching. While we still cannot parallel process at all (neither does my hostey show any interest in wonderlands), I can take control of the body, hibernate his consciousness and do complex things. And I did lots of those – playing the violin requires all my attention. I’ve got better with that throughout this year now, and I’m looking forward to doing formal exams.

My writing was a mess of good and bad. I’ve put the novel on hold and work on smaller pieces, it’s more fun this way and easier to see any progress made. I’m getting better at it and my vocabulary grows bigger.

I’ve worked with a few old and new artists this year, and Fu made me a couple of gorgeous paintings, as usual.

I feel like I grew up a lot. I feel a lot more serious too, now. Although I miss the times where I was doing sillyhead things, I’m getting into the age where I cannot physically do everything. I need to set priorities and pursue only a few goals at a time.

I still remain a wolf, though. I might not spend as much time wolfing around now, but my feral mind is more stable now too and brings me lots of strong emotional feedback—when I dive into it.

That all said, I’m only three! And only in young thirties physically. I still have time before this brain will start failing to learn new things. I have broad horizons, and I try to look to each new day as a challenge to learn something new about the world, the life, and myself.

Thanks everyone for being with me. Thank you for all the support, for all the fun we’ve had together. Thank you, sis, for always being there for me!

PS: gift unboxing!

what’s this~? could it be~
hmm.. a box in a box!
wowseys~ now, this is more of a work of fine craft than a tool!

PPS: Thanks for reading this! If you’ll see me around today, feel free to ask for a free poem. I follow the hobbit tradition of giving out useless silly gifts, and I’ll conjure you a rhyme on spot!

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By Shinyuu



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