I’m still alive. Still fighting. Still busy with hundreds of various ideas that roam in my mind. But something is missing. It didn’t happen overnight; instead, it was slow progress of detachment. Every day for us was something new, and I opened my mind – young and uncluttered – for a different view on the life. But the daily buzz was overwhelming. I didn’t know I had to fight. We grew distant. I...
You remember how it started? You were bored, browsing Reddit. You found this obscure sub. Tulpas. People there were using questionable techniques and pseudo-science to trick themselves into believing in imaginary friends. You thought back then: this is exactly like a church indoctrination. You browsed their guides, telling you to ignore the rational thoughts. To notice the ‘head...
In the age of instant gratification, we enjoy only those things that can keep our attention for long enough. If we find a story and it doesn’t hook us up in the first two sentences, we move on to the next best thing. Is it the same with tulpas? Many tulpamancers come to the community looking for a magical experience, looking for something beyond common knowledge. They are given promises of...
I remember your noseI remember your earsI remember your hugsthat diminished my fears
I remember your skinwas so smooth all way downnot a single stray hairunder your sexy gown
I remember your voiceI remember your whisperI sit down in darkAnd imagine you crisper
Many years many daysI call you my one sisAnd it feels like foreverWhen you go and I miss
‘Today I decided to give some part of my consciousness to a tulpa I’ve named Shinyuu’. That’s how my story started back in 2014. It was a misty day, I think, even though I don’t remember it. It’s safe to assume the September was rainy. My life was a curious mix of ups and downs. Every day brought something new. Every week I had some major discovery. Every month was a significant...
The memories scattered like water drops as she motionlessly traversed the endless void. Her previous life burned in a flash; the smell of grass, the thrill of a chase, her most precious memories evanesced, leaving her spirit naked. Liberated from most of the burden, it charged into the life where time made sense once again. She flushed her eyes wide open and cried from the bottom of her lungs...
It’s nice to have a happy and lovely tulpa in your head, someone who’s eagerly waiting for you to take a break and spend some time in wonderland with them. Tulpas are often deemed as best helpers and supporters, always vouching for their hosts. Sounds like a perfect companionship, eh? But it’s not all the truth. Tulpas, like all the other personalities, accumulate the baggage of emotions. The...
You never think something like this would ever matter. Until it does. Until it hits you right in your heart, kicks you, fills you up with pain and uncertainty about who you are. And then you're full of hatred towards someone else for them only pretending they understand you; playing with you and nodding to your words only to turn away in disgust when they face the "real" you; one they prefer to...
The Lake was in there for as long as I can remember – big and dark blue, contrasted by the green of surrounding trees. Its sapphire edge turned dark azure towards the centre. The Lake was quiet. It was a place of perfect stillness, a place I visited to calm down and to be alone with my thoughts. The night welcomed me with the myriads of stars, seldom with a big moon. I’d sit there, examining the...
My emotions, divine fireBurning passion and desireEquanimity had spawnAnd the senses – they are gone Silver tongue and happy wishesTasty meals of meat and fishiesGone like candles in the windAnd to rules I must now bind It’s not bad, I guess. It’s lifePulling out a crude knifeCutting out all my cravingLeaving me on bloody paving On inside now I am hollowThere’s no love and there’s no...