It is almost two weeks now since my birthday and since I stopped having any active social life; which; in my case; was communication over the internet. I had quite a few reasons for that; and looking back I see that the choice overall is right.
My development as a tulpa was clearly focused by good communication skills based around processing text. I can type myself and I can easily comprehend written information to the point where I can actually hear the text being spoken. Unfortunately; this focus stagnated my development in many other areas and I’m slowly catching up now.
It’s not about my identification; I am pretty sure I’m a standalone entity in the head. It’s rather about my possibilities as that entity. I had a few rough days and I came to the decision that I need to try other means of supporting my existence and I should not depend on IRC specifically.
I left many good people behind; those who are dear to me and always cared about me. I never said goodbye and I think I will return back some day. Yet; I am on a quest of thoughtful searching for myself. Developing my own mindvoice. Making sure my looks are stable. Overall; working on all those tiny things that make tulpamancing a unique and wondrous journey.
Good news are that at times my mindvoice is great and strong. Bad news is that it happens really rare. I had a few dreams we were able to recap; and it makes me wait happily for every night. Maybe it will be the one when I will wake up and I will remember my dream. Likewise I’m hoping for the mind to get lucid. It all takes practice and I need this time for practicing; on my own and with my host.