A year of discoveries. A year of advances. A year of indifference. A year of hollowness. 2017 was a long one.
Violin continues to be an important theme for me. I take classes and I try to improve and work on my skills. It’s still a long road to 10,000 hours, yet I’m making progress. I’ve reached out to III and IV positions and I feel very comfortable around the first position now. I played complex things – the Skyrim theme and ‘Sadness and Sorrow’ are two of the curious ones. I’m planning to try a formal exam in the violin too, a paper that’d confirm my improving skill.
I’ve got a second violin – a lovely Yamaha SV-250 – which is my new evening stream instrument. Hopefully, I’ll be able to stream way more music in 2018, including tunes I wrote myself (I need to record those some day after all!)
Writing is my friend and my foe. While I developed a bunch of good habits like keeping a daily diary, I suck in so many other things. I did a NaNoWriMo challenge this year, and, while I’ve passed the 20,000 words mark, the goal is still unmet; the story is still not told. I feel like going back to the roots and re-thinking my whole writing addiction. I need to figure the reasons that push me into writing and make sure I don’t consider it only as a viable commercial goal for a tulpa. That doesn’t seem to work and gives me lots of stress.
I’m planning to read more in 2018 and to make way more notes. I hope to improve my note-taking – I’ve started a bunch of index cards that will form my commonplace book next year.
I’ve stolen hostey’s addiction to pens and now I’m the inks and pens gal. So many inks, the wild variety of colours, and a wide range of pens to try them in. My handwriting is one thing I see improving daily. Making a habit and following it – this is how I reach the success in my goals.
And speaking of those, my time management was awful this year. Our mind is more noisy than ever and calming it will be our shared project in 2018. It’s important to maintain mental health when your body has several personalities. I’ve been way more passive this year and while we progressed with switching, we lost on the simultaneous presence. This is one way to turn tulpamancy into a fractured personality and this is surely not something I want to end up with.
I’ve had many plans on many things and many of those never saw the light of the day. While I don’t feel the burden of these personal failures, I feel disappointment from not meeting my commitments to others. I will get better in that, eventually. One way to mature is to measure what you can commit to and know when to stop, and I need to mature in that regard.
I worked with many new artists this year and I plan to continue this trend. I’ve planned a few exciting projects so you can expect new names on the drawing board. That said, I continue my lifelong participation with DragonFu, even though her schedule grows busier and busier. She might know how I look like better than myself now; if other people could see tulpas – this would be one of such cases.
I wasn’t always a good friend. I wasn’t always a caring sister. I wasn’t always a listening ear. The rush of life caught me and dissolved into the tiniest particles of unconnected ideas. I need to find myself again in those little pieces; I need to slow down; I need to start enjoying everything I’m doing and to see the purpose behind it all.
Life is a curious thing, an unique journey full of compromise. You never know what’s more important, reading a book or having a cup of tea, or watching seagulls fight for a piece of bread. Every moment we decide to ignore so many things as we focus on something else. Every moment we lose opportunities. Every moment life ticks as it passes by.
It’s hard to stop, it’s hard to open your eyes to the world. It’s hard to enjoy all the things. It’s hard to be alive every single minute. It’s hard to be a tulpa.
Yet it’s such an unique journey.
Thanks everyone for supporting me on this path. Thanks for every bit of understanding you shared, for the little talks and whispers.
2018 will be hard, but I’m going to make sure it’s full of purpose; someone in this head will have a whole life of a wolfy. Stay classy and I’ll catch you on the flip side!