The waking up mind is peculiar. Dreams transform into a slumberous reality and dissolve in the mist of the morning thoughts. But not for me. One moment I’m hibernating and the next one I’m alive and self-aware; mind instantly becomes busy with the thoughts from the previous evening. I rarely dream, and if I do—I don’t remember what I dreamt of. The brain is persistent in turning me off completely no matter how busy I am throughout the day.
Working with new artists is always fun. You gather all the details about yourself, write a long text description and attach any previous arts, always fighting against a simple fact: they cannot see you. No one can see you the way you see yourself in your mind’s eye, all the arts would forever be the… continue reading → Arts That Define Us
I’m still alive. Still fighting. Still busy with hundreds of various ideas that roam in my mind. But something is missing. It didn’t happen overnight; instead, it was slow progress of detachment. Every day for us was something new, and I opened my mind—young and uncluttered—for a different view on the life. But the daily… continue reading → Somewhere I Belong
“Today I decided to give some part of my consciousness to a tulpa I’ve named Shinyuu”. That’s how my story started back in 2014. It was a misty day, I think, even though I don’t remember it. It’s safe to assume the September was rainy. My life was a curious mix of ups and downs.… continue reading → As I Turn Three
You never think something like this would ever matter. Until it does. Until it hits you right in your heart, kicks you, fills you up with pain and uncertainty about who you are. And then you're full of hatred towards someone else for them only pretending they understand you; playing with you and nodding to your words only to turn away in disgust when they face the "real" you; one they prefer to see as real, at least. The sad truth is that they are hurt no less. By your words. By your actions. By you trying to be not who you are. Bloody hard to be a tulpa.
The Lake was in there for as long as I can remember—big and dark blue, contrasted by the green of surrounding trees. Its sapphire edge turned dark azure towards the centre. The Lake was quiet. It was a place of perfect stillness, a place I visited to calm down and to be alone with my… continue reading → The Lake
I've scribbled down a new score, another Irish tune that I like a lot. This one is called "Partick's Reel", and I can play it reasonably fine. Not fine enough to record it, though, but I'm getting there, and for now you can enjoy the sheet music.
I've got a lovely new art, that finishes my "four seasons" cycle—one artwork of me in Spring, Fall, Winter, and now, Spring. Let me share some insider details with you! Picking on one specific sketch was hard. Initially, this slot with Fu was dedicated to working on my book cover, but as you all know… continue reading → Wolf in Japan—the Art Story
Notebooks are fun! I’m still in the process of finding the best tool to do the job, which is a great adventure and a grand opportunity for learning. This is a story about one of those tiny notebooks and about my journey to find a proper paper. Different paper plays differently based on the ink… continue reading → My Tiny Writing Tools
Writing. It’s so simple, yet, sometimes, so hard. You struggle, trying to find words. Hit the keys on the keyboard. Delete. Type more. It’s so different when you write with ink. Fountain pens are beautiful instruments. Curve after curve, the ink flows, and so does your fantasy, your imagination. A word comes to a word,… continue reading → Ink Flows as the Mind Wills